May 15, 2020
by Kimberly Sully.
I was sitting in a room with a consultant who had administered a type of strengths finder test and was essentially interviewing me so that he could put together a report about who I was as a professional. One of the very first questions he asked was, “what do you hope people think after they meet you?” The response flew out of my mouth before I even gave it any thought. “I hope they recognize that I’m confident, capable and good at my job.” Even as I type that now I recognize that it’s a canned response, yet I believed it to my core. That’s really the only “right answer” for someone working in the legal IT space.
He paused for a moment, just looking at me. I knew I had given the right answer so I had no idea what he was waiting for. After what felt like an excruciating amount of silence, he said it. The dreaded “c” word. I knew it to be true, but I certainly didn’t want someone who barely knew me to use that word to describe me so quickly. Not in a law firm. Not in IT.
“How about caring?”, he asked. He continued on referring to traits like having a warm smile and kind demeanor. At least I think those are things he said. My brain momentarily froze after hearing that word. It’s not as though I had been hiding those things throughout my career, but how could it be the very first thing this consultant noticed? When we met, I had walked in confident, made eye contact, gave a firm handshake. Confident, capable, good at my job. Those are the things I was working to convey. How could that soft, squishy “caring” adjective trump all of that so quickly?
At the particular time in my career when this conversation happened, I was in an interim leadership role at my law firm. Within my department, all I wanted the team to know was that we would get through this crazy time together. I wanted them all to know they could count on me. I was there to support them, encourage them, and help ensure everyone in the firm knew just how awesome our IT department was. Yep, I wanted them to know that I cared – truly cared about each of them.
But to other firm leaders, I felt like I had to prove myself every day. All I wanted them to see was that confident, capable, good at her job person. I feared many of them would see someone who cares as someone who is weak, incapable of leading a team through a tumultuous time, incapable of making hard decisions. Would this consultant tell them I cared? Would the “c-word” mean the beginning of the end for me?
It wasn’t. To this day I still have no idea if the consultant shared his observation with anyone at all. If he did, I’m guessing it wasn’t actually news to anyone. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and am virtually incapable of compartmentalizing that part of who I am.
What I have since realized is that being recognized as someone who cares doesn’t mean I’m not also confident, capable and good at my job. These characteristics don’t have to cancel each other out. In fact, I would argue that caring about the people I work with makes me even better at my job! I believe that is especially true during this Covid-19 pandemic. Now more than ever, the teams who will successfully pivot towards a “new normal” will do so under the guidance of someone who cares.
So, if we ever meet, I hope the first thing you notice is that I care.